It's Friday. Sex?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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