my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry about my life...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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