my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
