I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
