Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
