youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
