Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
