A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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