my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
