Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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