i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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