im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
