He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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