I want to make a zoo with you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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