it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
