how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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