you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
