If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
