weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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