I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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