I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
