I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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