i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
