Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
