I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im six kinds of drunk right now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
