I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
