u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
being pregnant is like rehab
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
