look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
