she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
