I need help removing her.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
