Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
