I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I AM VODKA MAN
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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