I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
