I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
