sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
