hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
