But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
