i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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