i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
