I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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