i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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