About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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