i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
