I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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