I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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