So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
