Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
