Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this will be a night to untag.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
