$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
