So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
